so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
