this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
