I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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