So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
