I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
