Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
