remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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