My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
