Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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