It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
