$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
