we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
