i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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