Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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