i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
