I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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