Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sobbing to NWA
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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