I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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