Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
