the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
