Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
