i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
