my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
