OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you traded sex for a burrito?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
