Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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