You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
