My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
