I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
