you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
