Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
