I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
