We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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