god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
