dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
