Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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