We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
