I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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