well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
