so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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