So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
