My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
