If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
