Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
pray to the hookup gods
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