i just had sex bonerless
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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