A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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