I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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