Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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