I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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