The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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