my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
being pregnant is like rehab
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
