It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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